I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
