dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
