all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My penis needs a shock collar
The struggles of a small town man whore
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
