Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"