she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
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found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".