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she smelled like a LAN party
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT