Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

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  (573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best. http://tfl.nu/21y4
  Replies (14) Good night (2667) Bad night (707)
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  (310): View more from California

  my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.

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  (310): my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was. http://tfl.nu/26j1
  Replies (9) Good night (1426) Bad night (1625)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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  (248): the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake. http://tfl.nu/1bz8
  Replies (7) Good night (2595) Bad night (599)
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  (489): View more from

  watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .

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  (489): watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on . http://tfl.nu/coqw
  Replies (48) Good night (6028) Bad night (1241)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up

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  (785): i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up http://tfl.nu/4wl0
  Replies (10) Good night (4876) Bad night (890)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

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  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8660) Bad night (1115)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

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  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (5328) Bad night (1516)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.

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  (402): Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples. http://tfl.nu/nrga
  Replies (5) Good night (1272) Bad night (2388)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.

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  (248): Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball. http://tfl.nu/g33p
  Replies (4) Good night (905) Bad night (1634)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.

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  (717): I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild. http://tfl.nu/q7pb
  Replies (4) Good night (1642) Bad night (626)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do

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  (614): she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do http://tfl.nu/lofb
  Replies (4) Good night (358) Bad night (1072)
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  (530): View more from California

  Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa

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  (530): Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa http://tfl.nu/e36z
  Replies (4) Good night (435) Bad night (979)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart

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  (316): Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart http://tfl.nu/0j6w
  Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (379)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.

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  (574): I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it. http://tfl.nu/8dj0
  Replies (7) Good night (1162) Bad night (337)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress

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  (631): I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress http://tfl.nu/1j4l
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (181)

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