im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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