Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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