You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
