turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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