At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
