He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
