I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
