Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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