What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
