1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I will be naked everywhere
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
