So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also, beer. Big fan.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
