so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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