Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
