Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
