my mouth tastes like poor choices
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
