I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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