where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
