she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
