I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
