Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
