If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
