If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
