Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
