I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
