I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
