You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
