wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
