Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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