i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
