How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
