i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
