dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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