its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
