nut hugger
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
