You can't special order awesome
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
