i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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