you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
