my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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