yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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