I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
