He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
