yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
