I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
