margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
