Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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