so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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