Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
