When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
