dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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