Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just cropdusted the office
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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