I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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