i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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