Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
porn star boner night. come get it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
