Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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