I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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