dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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