Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
be right there i have to get my cape
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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