He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
