Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!