hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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