My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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