The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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