I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
