All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
