I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
