Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they're like a gay fantastic four
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
