I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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