i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
