I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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