i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
