marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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