Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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