You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
