i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is my gift to your gina
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
