peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can I color on your dick again?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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