I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
