We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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