Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
