I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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