doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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