Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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