i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
