your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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