if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
