i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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