I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
