i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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